wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
