It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
