i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
