How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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