everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have already put on my inside pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
