you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
