PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
