New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
