He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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