i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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