i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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