Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
