first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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