I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she pinky promised me she was 18
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
