im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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