Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
as a side note pls kill me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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