a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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