I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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