It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
