Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
