I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Small penises have feelings too.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
