A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
