another moral hangover. fuck.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
