Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
