Already got asked if we're dating
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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