I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
