its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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