i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
