Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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