I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
