Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
