Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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