I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
