i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
