The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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