I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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