i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
