I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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