I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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