She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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