Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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