I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
