dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
