Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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