return my video game
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
