he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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