I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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