she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
