dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
