Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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