yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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