on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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