His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
