He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
