After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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