Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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