I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
