This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
