break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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