I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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