the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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