Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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