tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
