I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
