dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
