I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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