i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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