If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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